Groucho Marx Quotes
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Home is where you hang your head.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Blood's not thicker than money.
When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Humor is reason gone mad.
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can’t see the stove.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Time wounds all heels.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest. Ask him! If he says yes, you know he's crooked.
