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Groucho Marx Quotes

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me, 1959)
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
Home is where you hang your head.
Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me, 1959)
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me, 1959)
I drink to make other people interesting.
Groucho Marx
Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx
When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx (A Night at the Opera, 1935)
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me, 1959)
I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can’t see the stove.
Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Groucho Marx
I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
Groucho Marx
I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".
Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me, 1959)
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Time wounds all heels.
Groucho Marx
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx (Quoted in Life Magazine, 1962)
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
There is one way to find out if a man is honest. Ask him! If he says yes, you know he's crooked.
Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Biography

Born: October 2, 1890
Died: August 19, 1977

Groucho Marx was an American comedian and actor. He was very popular during his time, mainly for his wit and delivery of humor. He starred in more than 13 movies.

 
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