Phyllis Diller Quotes
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
I was born at home on newspapers... I still have a story on my butt, although now the print is much larger.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
You know you're getting old when your back starts going out more than you do.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
