Funny Quotes

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Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.
James Graham
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin
People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk.
Stephen King
Acquiring a dog may be the only oppurtunity a human ever has to choose a relative.
Mordecai Wyatt Johnson
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it
Rodney Dangerfield
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
P. G. Wodehouse
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams
Use your ears to listen, use your eyes to see, but use your mouth to shut up.
Romanian Proverb
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
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