Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk.
Acquiring a dog may be the only oppurtunity a human ever has to choose a relative.
Mordecai Wyatt Johnson
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
P. G. Wodehouse
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Use your ears to listen, use your eyes to see, but use your mouth to shut up.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.