Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

Progress is a fine thing, but it's gone on long enough.

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

The trouble with a kitten is.. that.. eventually it becomes a cat.

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

God in His wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Tonight’s December thirty-first,
Something is about to burst.
The clock is crouching, dark and small,
Like a time bomb in the hall.
Hark, it's midnight, children dear.
Duck! Here comes another year!

If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.