When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

His heritage to his children wasn't words or possessions, but an unspoken treasure, the treasure of his example as a man and a father.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.

We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that’s Memoirs.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

It would wreck the very foundation on which our political government is run ... If you ever injected truth into politics you'd have no politics … Even the ministers are denouncing it now … Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?