Mark Twain Quotes

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All kings is mostly rapscallions.

Mark Twain (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, 1876)

Virtue never has been as respectable as money.

Mark Twain (The Innocents Abroad, 1869)

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

Mark Twain (Speech in Boston, 1882)

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Mark Twain (The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894)

Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read.

Mark Twain (Following the Equator, 1897)

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Mark Twain

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

Mark Twain



Put all your eggs in one basket - and watch that basket!

Mark Twain (The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

Mark Twain (Following the Equator, 1897)

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.

Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Mark Twain (The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894)

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Mark Twain (Following the Equator, 1897)

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Mark Twain (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1935)

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Mark Twain

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

Mark Twain (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1935)

There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him–early.

Mark Twain (The Mysterious Stranger, 1916)

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Mark Twain (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1935)

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Mark Twain

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Mark Twain

The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Mark Twain (Following the Equator, 1897)

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Mark Twain (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1935)

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain (The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894)

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

Mark Twain (Letter to Orion Clemens, 1860)

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

Mark Twain (Letter to Orion Clemens, 1878)

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Mark Twain Biography

Born: November 30, 1835
Died: April 21, 1910

Samuel Langhorne Clemens or best known for his pen name Mark Twain was an American author and humorist. He is mainly known for his novels and his witty humour.

Notable Works

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876)
The Prince and the Pauper (1881)
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
Following the Equator (1897)
The Mysterious Stranger (1916)
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