Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
