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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with.
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield Biography

Born: November 22, 1921
Died: October 5, 2004

Rodney Dangerfield was an American comedian and actor. He is funny for his one liners and for his film roles in notable movies like "Easy Money", "Caddyshack" and "Back to School"

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